Enough

     Earlier this week I asked for prayers. At that time I had received 2 calls from Jaxten's school. Two separate kids on two separate occasions were causing problems for Jax. I just received another call. I didn't really want to post anything to elaborate on it, but I just don't know what, if anything, I should be doing about it. 
     The first call, which came Monday, was about a kid in his class that threatened to shoot him. My first thought was that they are just First graders, the kid probably didn't mean anything, and I kind of felt bad for him. Luckily though, the boys go to a great school where accusations like this are taken very seriously. The principal assured me that this matter is not to be taken lightly, as we don't know if the kid has access to weapons in his home. We can't just dismiss it as it's "just kids being kids," and then something really does happen. The kid was suspended, and a report turned in to the resource officer. Like I said before, I felt bad at first, but then Jax told me this kid tends to have a lot of anger issues (those are my words, not his.) I hope the suspension wasn't just free time for the kid, but that he is getting help. I can hope right...
     I received the second call Wednesday. A kid on the playground kicked Jax between the legs and hit him and one of his buddies. According to Jax the kid came pretty much out of the blue and had no reason to do it. I spoke to the principal and he even says that Jaxten had done nothing to provoke it. I'm not sure what punishment that boy received, but I got another call today saying that the same boy tried to choke Jax in the bathroom. He is in a different class (he's also a First grader though) so them being in there together was just a coincidence. Since this is the second time this boy has done it the principal is considering him a bully. He has been suspended and his bathroom privileges have been taken away. He can only use the bathroom in the principal's office!  He has also contacted the resource officer about this child too.
     Jaxten, so far, has acted like it's been no big deal. It just kills me though. So far, I think the school has done everything correctly, even taken measure farther than I would have thought. I can't be at school with him everyday and protect him from every little thing, but how do I keep sending him not knowing what might happen next? I'm just not sure how I feel about all this or what I should be doing about it. I mean, what can I do?


P.S. The kicker is that I have been at the school every day this week, except Monday. I was there helping with the vision screening for 3 days, and today I went up at lunch time to give Jax a breathing treatment! Not one time did it happen while I was there though! 

Worth it

     Pink Leonard has not felt so super during this pregnancy. If this had been my first one, I don't think I would have wanted to have more kids. I started out doing really well. I was walking about 2 miles every morning after I took Jax to school. I was feeling good, my back wasn't hurting as much anymore. I even did my first 5K. (Yes, I was pregnant. Yes, I knew I was. No, no one else knew.) Soon after the Glow Run, is when actual pregnancy symptoms set in. I was tired, I couldn't sleep, I was HUNGRY. Walking and having a healthy pregnancy slowly faded away. 
     If being tired was all that pregnancy symptoms included, I would have been happy. However, with pregnancy there is pregnancy hormones. And with these hormones, I had acne. BAD ACNE. I have NEVER had acne like I had in the beginning of this pregnancy. The pimples were big, they hurt, they wouldn't go away, they were embarrassing. I almost didn't want to be seen in public. No amount of make-up would completely cover them. I can't be certain if it was because I switched face washes, or if it was just the timing that I did, but they have since subsided. Now I am just left with some nice scarring, that CAN be covered with make-up. :) 
     Pimples were just the beginning of my pregnancy misery. If pimples and being tired were the worst of it, I would have been happy. The second trimester wasn't too bad. It was sort of the calm before the storm. My back did start hurting again, but that's pretty normal. Then by the end of the second trimester, it hit me. MY CROTCH HURT. (Pardon my terminology.) I actually first noticed it when we were in Florida. I thought it was because we were walking a lot more during the day than I was used to, and at that time it was only hurting at night. But it has gotten worse since. 
     This pain in that area, isn't just pain from the pressure of having a living being inside you. This is separation of bone. It has a name - Symphysis pubis dysfunction. Yes, I am dysfunctional :/ It hurts to stand, to stand up, to sit for too long, or walk. Oddly, it hurts the most to turn over in bed. It takes a concentrated effort, and I have to use the headboard for support. I didn't have this problem with my other two. 
     Now, to top it all off I already seem to have a clogged milk duct. In my armpit, nonetheless. If anyone else has had them there, you'll know that they hurt! This has happened with both babies before, but only after I had actually started breastfeeding. To have this problem before I have even given birth baffles me. I guess that it's just a sign that delivery is near! 
     Although I have been in a lot of pain, and misery, and discomfort this time around, there have been a few upsides. I was one of the "lucky" ones, as my doctor called it, that didn't get sick. There was some slight queasiness and nausea in the beginning, but never any vomiting. And my blood pressure has been normal, even low at some points (until the last few weeks anyway.) 
     There hasn't been any health concerns for the baby. To be able to have a healthy baby enter this world, this family, it will all be worth it! 

Pregnancy Woes

   As most of you know know I had a pretty rough pregnancy with Jax. I had seriously high blood pressure. It was 200/110 at my first appointment with him. I was only 22 at the time. The doctors immediately put me on blood pressure medication and I was seeing a high risk specialist. I was seeing one doctor or the other every single week throughout the entire pregnancy. My blood pressure stayed pretty high, on average about 140/90, even with medication. Jax was small, and has had lots of his own issues (but that's another story!)
   After I had him I was saw another specialist, an Internist, for a year. We tried several different medications, before finding something that kept the hbp under control. She said I was one of only two other people she had ever seen that she couldn't figure out the reason for the hbp. I was also the youngest. Her final conclusion was that it was just genetics. 
   Then I got pregnant with Kooper. I still had high blood pressure with him, but things were calmer this time around. I was seeing a different doctor, and he put me on different meds. (The meds the Internist had me on weren't safe for pregnancy.) This medication was even different from what the first doctors had me on. When I told him what it was, the first thing he said was "I'm going to put you on something different, that medication tends to cause low birth-weight babies." I couldn't believe my ears! A lot of the problems Jax had could have been prevented if they would have given me a different medication!!! (I am still mad about this, but that's a different story too!) This doctor also specializes in high risk pregnancies, so I wasn't having to see a different one. And I wasn't having to go every week like before. This pregnancy, aside from the hbp, was normal. Koop was much bigger than Jax, and has been much healthier too. 
   Now I am pregnant for a third time. I have not been on medication since I had Kooper, which has been 4 years. There have been times when I have wondered if I should still be taking something. But much to my surprise my blood pressure has been LOW. My first appointment it was 112/60 something. Today it was 110/82. It was never anywhere close to being that low even when I was taking medication. I am happy that it's not high, but I don't understand!!! I don't understand what's different now, than it was back then. I have no idea when it started being normal either. I still think it's high sometimes, but so far never at the doctor's office. 
   Each pregnancy has been so different, and these first 2 kids are pretty different from each other. I can't imagine how this new one will be any more different from the other ones! 

Adventure Time

Five years ago this month I was sitting in a hotel room in Seattle, making invitations for Jaxten's 1st birthday and waiting for him to take his first steps at any moment. Seems like so long ago, yet yesterday all at the same time. Bringing this little life into the world has created quite the adventure for all of our lives. He has no idea of the impact he has made on us. 

 I sit here tonight making sure he has everything ready for his first day of Kindergarten tomorrow and trying to come up with ideas for his upcoming 6th birthday. Unbelievable. So soon. 

 I know, I know. He went to Pre-K last year, so it should be no big deal. But it is. This year is different. This year he will be going all day. This year is to be taken a little more seriously.

 I know he will be fine, I know he needs to be there. It's me that's not fine.  I just can't help but think that this is the beginning of the end. This is going to be how it is from now until he is old enough to have a life of his own and he won't need me. (I know I posted something like this last year too.)  I know there are still many more adventures to be had along the way. I just need time to stand still for a little bit. 

Alas, here's to another adventure! 

Jax's Test Results

     I just got a call from Jax's pediatrician. He had some bloodwork done a few months ago and she called to tell me about it. His IgE levels are through the roof. Normal for him should be in the 50's, his was 2300. This could mean a few different things. The first and most probable answer is he has crazy bad allergies. We've always known about his food allergies, and now that he is older he is probably having some environmental allergy issues as well. The kicker is that he has had NO SYMPTOMS. As a baby he was constantly broke out in a rash, and always had eczema somewhere on his body. So we knew when his allergies were acting up. But all that cleared up when he was about 2, his skin has been perfect since. He has no serious congestion or respiratory issues to speak of. I honestly thought he was outgrowing most of his food allergies.
     The second thing it could be is a parasite. I don't know much about this, so I can't elaborate too much on it. However, he again has had NO SYMPTOMS to make me believe that this is the case. The symptoms would include something like constant tummy aches, and loose stools.
     Another thing it could be is a very rare and highly unlikely case of Hyper IgE Syndrome. With this, he would, from what I understand, have boils and other skin irritations, and have infections that don't heal properly from minor cuts and a few other serious complications. With this being very rare and him having no symptoms of it either I do not believe this to be the case at all. The ONLY reason I would consider this is because it is an auto-immune disease, which can be a genetic disease, and since his Nana has Lupus and RA (which are auto-immune diseases),there is a small chance it could be possible.
     He has an appointment with his allergist next month. With the lack of symptoms they are probably not going to tell me to do anything any differently. They will probably just do more bloodwork and hopefully another food allergy test soon. I hope to get answers soon.


     The reason for the testing was to find out why he is still so small. He is growing in height, so he is still growing. He just doesn't seem to gain weight. He eats really well, and for the most part always has. He likes a wide variety of food. I am surprised at what he will eat sometimes. It doesn't make sense. I JUST WANT ANSWERS!!!!

Oh To Be a Kid Again!!!

     Kids these days, huh? You give them the world, and they want more. As most of you know by now, we just celebrated Jax's 5th birthday. It's bittersweet. Glad to see who he is becoming, but sad to see he is growing up. I am pretty sure I don't remember my 5th birthday at all. I am sure it was a small party at home with my parents and grandparents, and maybe an aunt and an uncle. My hair was probably wild and unruly and I probably had on some horrible mismatched hand-me down clothing. I am sure my mom baked the cake herself, and that I got underwear and socks as gifts. It was simple. I am not saying there is anything wrong with any of this, or that I was ever deprived of anything, but it seems as though this simpleness I had growing up, has made me want more for my own kids. It has made me want better for them.
     In contrast to my own (probable) 5th birthday, Jax had quite the bash. We had a big party at Incredible Pizza with numerous aunts, uncles, Nanas, Papas, cousins, and a few friends too. They got to play games for hours, won prizes, ate pizza and rice krispie treat cupcakes, and ice cream. Jax got nearly everything he wanted and then some. He got the skateboard he wanted, and games for his Leapster, numerous cool toys, and even a CAT (his first pet!) For his actual birthday day, I fixed one of his favorite meals -ribs and baked potatoes- for dinner. He got more cake and ice cream and even a few more gifts. His name was announced on the radio, and a poem that I wrote was even read on the radio. And Geoffrey the Giraffe from Toys R Us called and left a birthday message for him. You would think this would have been the best birthday ever for a 5 year old. But, at the end of the day when I asked him if he had a good birthday, his answer was "No." In my mind I am screaming at him!!! I could not think of a single thing that would make this a better birthday!! There was apparently one thing that he didn't have that would have made it all better. Candy. He didn't get to eat the candy he got. 
     So all the presents he got, the people that came, the decorations that I handmade (down to the cupcake wrappers), the special radio message, the money paid for the party, and all the planning that went into this, still made it a horrible-terrible-no-good-very-bad-birthday!  All because he didn't get to eat his candy!!! Frustrating, to say the least!!
     How do I give my children more than what I got as a child without making them ungrateful? I never want my children to go without. Not that I ever did, and if I did, I never knew it. But how do I make them realize they don't have to have everything to have everything? How do I make myself realize this?

Tomorrow

 Tomorrow my life changes. Tomorrow at this time I will have just picked up my baby boy from his first day of school. This is a milestone every parent must go through, I realize this. To me though, this is the end of my little boy being JUST mine. I have been involved in nearly every minute of his life up until tomorrow. Tomorrow will start his journey of his life becoming his own. For the next 13 years or so, every step he takes, will be a step in the direction his life will go. And I don't like it. I don't want him to grow up. I don't want him to not be just mine anymore. I don't think he will have any kind of separation anxiety, I think it'll be me that does.